How to Let Her Know You Have a Sexually Transmitted Disease
You’ve met her. The ‘one.’ You want to spend the rest of your life with her. You’ve got a good job, a lovely home and all of her friends think you’re great as well.
There’s just one problem. You have an STD. How do you tell “Ms. Right”?
When To Bring It Up
There’s never a perfect time, but there are plenty of wrong times. Having an STD can be a deal breaker even if you’re an otherwise great guy. Or not. Regardless, relax, breath deeply. You’ll get through it. With a little self-enlightenment about your type of infection, you can deliver the news in a thoughtful manner. If the girl is worth it, the outcome will be better than you think.
Having an STD is not something that defines you (although it’s always better to get tested), so don’t bring it up on the first several dates. If you’ve just met someone, your sexual health isn’t any of her business. You want to give her a chance to get to know you and like you before you deliver the news. Once you have told her, there’s nothing keeping her from moving on to someone else. Take the relationship slow and easy — wait until she’s invested and it will be simple.
Just as you don’t want to tell her immediately, you don’t want to wait until you’re reaching into the nightstand for a condom to bring it up either. Ideally, there will be a window of opportunity between the first meeting and sleeping together where you can broach the subject.
Some time you have to have ‘the talk.’ No one wants to have that conversation, but to develop a loving relationship, it’s a non-starter.
Understand that it is commonly conceded that telling someone you have an STD other than face-to-face is bad form. Sure, it would be easier to have Barney the Purple Dinosaur show up at her door and sing about loving people despite differences, but being ingenious here won’t work. The conversation will be tougher and maybe more embarrassing in person, but it gives an opening to evaluate their initial reaction. It gives them a moment to see how sincere you are as well.
Location, Location, Location
As in real estate, location is vital. Not only is what you say important but consider where you tell her. Late night at a bar is not a good choice. Neither is a Saturday BBQ with all your friends around.
Make a special trip to their home while they’re alone and not in a hurry to go somewhere. Telling her in her home serves two goals. First, it allows her the chance to react how she would naturally react without being influenced by others. It also gives her the opportunity to ask the questions she will have.
Give her some time alone to process what you’ve told her as well as do her research. Give her space to decide how she wants to go from there.
If your STD is a deal breaker for her, don’t take it personally.